Setting the scene…
I thought I lost a pair of earrings on Monday. This may sound minor to you out of context, but the thought was devastating to me. Why? This was a pair of diamond studs that my grandmother gave me when I was a teenager. She died when I was 17, so these are one of the few tangible things of her I have left.
Basically, we had cleaned up our bathroom over the weekend. I did a dumb thing and threw out a container that I had stored the earrings in. I panicked a little bit the next morning (when I realized what happened), but I literally had no time to look because I had to leave for work. So basically, I spent the entire day having low key anxiety in the back of my brain while I was at work. I was talking to G during the day, and I told him if I couldn’t find the earrings there would be tears.
Finding the earrings
Long story short, the earrings were not in the trash can. Honestly? There were a few tears. But! I had the good sense to check one last spot, and the earrings were just laying in the drawer. Hallelujah!
Why is this important? You guys. Grief is weird to start with. Grief when it was never really properly addressed or even remotely worked on? Worse. As I’m learning more and talking to people at all different stages of life, I’m realizing that I have some baggage. No surprise there, everyone does to some point. But dealing with a lot of sickness and losses fairly early on in life has left its mark.
In the grand scheme of things, the earrings are miniscule. But to me, they’re very important. As I said, they’re one of the few tangible things I have left of an amazing woman who was taken from this earth far too soon. I wasn’t ready to lose her, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and wish she were here.
But, she’s not here. So I will wear the earrings and think of her. I also have a necklace with a diamond she gifted me set in it. These are my good luck charms, my talismans. My touch stones to connect with someone I desperately miss. Gone, but never forgotten.
RIP Concetta Ann Squeglia DeChello — March 4, 1934 ~ October 5, 2001 <3
You can read more about my grief journey here.
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